Cruel Gamer PC Video Game Reviews For Adults!

Bone Cracking With Ease
Today's experience covers mission 4, slowly more of the games features are revealed and the game is becoming slightly more enjoyable. The butchering and acrobatics gets better as the game progresses but is it worth the time?

He's killed 50 people today and not 1 spot of blood, if only kids were so clean!

Make Me Do It Again Will Ya?
It's not so bad the first time galloping on a horse through the beautiful countryside. These enjoyable trips of long travel to the games important cities give you time to reflect on the hectic life every assassin must lead. Syke! First time sucks, but you have to do it, second time sucks but you have to do it. The third time you don't have to do it because you get an instant travel menu asking you what city you want to go to. The first shot at this is when you leave the assassin headquarters gate. However if you choose cancel for some reason say you forgot what the hell idiotic mission your supposed to be on then you've just screwed the pooch. The menu will not come back up unless you walk all the way out of the city jump on a horse and gallop to another gate much further away. The only other alternative is to restart the mission, how convenient!

Traveling on horseback to Damascus only takes 5 minutes . . . gonna need another beer.

Fight Training Mandatory
Hey I love tutorials as much as the next guy but I just cant stand mandatory tutorials! Gosh why won't these developers just let me be ignorant for once! At least meet me half way OK? If I have to do the tutorial, just force me to do it once. Make your game smart enough to know that I have completed the tutorial and then just back off! Creed fails in this regard, if for some reason your forced to restart from a save point after a recent assassination mission and you get a new tactic your doomed to repeat the training mission. Repetition does not equal fun unless it's in the bedroom with a sexy lady.

A Chuckle At Last!
The voice actor for the Damascus bureau chief is excellent. The dialog for him is well written too, I got my first laugh out of the game with this guy. He is a sarcastic smart ass and smarmy as hell, be sure to pay attention to his chatter it's entertaining.

Slightly More Interesting Combat
The fighting has started to get a bit more interesting but the amount of additional weapons and tactics at this point still makes the combat easy. For example previously I had to just jump in and slash people to pieces. Now I can throw a dagger killing one guy then step do a sneak attack on another guy with my concealed blade. And only once those first two are dispatched do I follow up on the other adversaries with sword play. So it's more entertaining but not exactly more challenging.

5 Enemy soldiers 3 of which are elite, it's not a fair fight. They need at least a dozen!

Still Kinda Goofy Though
Hey look if you think hiding in a roof top tea house is gonna stop people from finding you I guess thats great. But after doing it a hundred times one wonders why authorities would burn the damned things to cinders and outlawed for good! If this is too much of a burden, certainly sweeping up loose hay in the city would apprehend a fugitive such as Altair. Then again maybe he's just that good, so unstoppable that non could stop unstopping him!

On With The ( Imaginary ) Body Count
Population statistics for the city you are in are kept on the mini map, this statistic is static in other words it's bogus fraud eye fluff. While trying not to go on a tare I can quickly tell you that murdering women with jugs on their heads and every guard in the city will not effect the count in the slightest. Too bad, it would have made one hell of an easter egg.

Repetition Repetition Repetition Repetition
Every single mission is a delightful medley of more of the same. So if you really really love the game then your just gonna piss all over yourself with glee as it progresses! Jumping into hay stacks, pickpocketing people, hiding on roof tops for the win!

Either Altair Is Spider Man Or Everything Is Climbable
This guy has some amazing agility and his suit isn't a questionable set of pajamas worn by some with similar skills. However one wonders if every building during this period was constructed to be climbable by unstoppable assassins!

Altair has hands made of glue and abs of steel it's the only explanation, he gets babes all day long!

Oops I Killed Your Ass
An interesting new tactic was uncovered today. Jumping from a high enough rooftop onto a merchant stand will make it crash on the people under it. This causes the death of the merchant and those under the stand. I swear it was an accident though the carnage was a nice treat ;)

Altair Can Fly But Not Swim
Here is something interesting in the Damascus Rich District, there is a view point that is surrounded by water. If you happen to fall into it your dead instantly! Hey thats special, it's all I can say about it. I mean the guy jumps from rooftops but a dip into a shallow pool kills him instantly. Wow!

Just 1 teaspoon of water and the world's greatest assassin bites the dust, guess hes allergic!

Get To The Point Bad Guys!
Every assassin mission is forestalled by a long winded diatribe from the bad guy before the mission and then another one afterwards. Slowly the story is being revealed, whatever the hell the story is. I can't say that I much care about why Altair is doing what he is doing I just wish I could do it faster. Partly because I have to write this review the other part is just my nature. I hate waiting around for a game to explain itself especially one as simple as Assassins Creed.

Mixed Emotions
After a few days of immersing myself in the game I have started to actually enjoy the action sequences. If only there was less of an attempt made to tell an Epic story. Which truth be told is the lamest part of the entire game so far! Stay tuned tomorrow is another day I might change my mind and dislike it all over again ;)